Grief and Loss
Written by Renee McDuffy, Animal Whisperer
About animal whispering

Experiencing the loss of a beloved pet is a devastating experience. The emptiness in the heart, the feeling of loss, the ‘missing them’ feeling, the empty spaces in the household, the bowls or bed never again to be used, the list goes on. Some attest that the loss of a pet is more devastating than the loss of a human family member.

Be assured, the remaining animals in the household are feeling the same. They too experience grief in many of the same ways as people, sometimes more deeply.

Here are a few things you can do to make this transition go a bit more smoothly for everyone.

1) Involve the remaining pets as much as possible in the process of letting the passing pet go. If a visit from or trip to the vet is involved for euthanasia, take the remaining pets with you, if possible, as well as any other supporting family members. Keep in mind that this is a very important transition for the pet that is leaving. Use your judgment, if a family member (usually human) tends towards hysterics, perhaps it is best to not involve them allowing for more peaceful final moments for the departing one.

If taking the remaining pets with you is not feasible and a trip to the vet is required, speak to the remaining animals before you go, inform them of what is about to happen and suggest they take a moment to say good-bye.

During the actual process remember: everyone needs soothing; you, the departing one, the remaining pets as well as human family members - all the while keeping your focus on the departing one the most – this is their “special” moment.

Upon returning home from the vet (or after the vet has left) speak with the remaining animals and remind them of what just happened assuring them that everyone will miss the departed one and that the family still loves them (the remaining ones) very much. Let them know you are all in this together.

2) Create a memorial as an opportunity to heal for the entire family. Use your imagination and whatever resources you come up with. Some examples are placing a framed photo along with a favorite toy, collar, tags, candles or flowers on a fireplace mantle or area of the home that is available to all, somewhat of a focal point (avoid the basement, unless it is fairly heavily used) yet not “in the way”. Ask each family member to contribute one thing they feel is special to their relationship with the departed pet and assign someone the privilege of replacing the flowers and candles as needed. Perhaps someone else can have the duty of lighting the candles each night. Remember to include the remaining pets as much as possible placing something their “from” Sparky. However, if Sparky shared a bed, bowls or certain toys with the departed pet, be sure to leave them available to Sparky. Loosing the companion is bad enough, don’t make him lose the bed they shared also.

3) Make certain to include the remaining pets in the emotional aspect of your grieving process as well. Remember they are feeling much the same and by you expressing your grief around them, gives them permission to feel theirs as well. They express emotions much differently than people so don’t expect to see them “cry” like we do. They will cry, be sad, miss and feel empty just like you and may choose to feel these things more profoundly when you are feeling yours so let it out, it helps you both.

4) Talk about your feelings. Speaking with a grief counselor or therapist can be very helpful when experiencing loss of any kind. Speaking with others who have experienced this or other losses can also help the grief process along. Speaking with the remaining pets is one of the most crucial steps to healing. It helps you and it helps them tremendously. Some people have reported a more “satisfied” feeling when speaking to their remaining pets about their feelings than when they spoke with people.

5) Give it time. Grief is sometimes a long process. Be kind to yourself as well as to the other family members and remaining pets if you find emotions still running high after six or eight months. Everyone is different and each is on their own time table. Brushing feelings under the rug doesn’t help anyone and can actually cause harm.

6) Avoid getting a new, or “replacement”, pet right away. Give everyone time to get adjusted to the absence of that certain energy after if passed. Besides, no one can really replace a departed pet, even if you get the same breed, color, gender, etc. Each animal has its own unique personality and it simply wouldn’t be fair to expect the new one to act, react and behave like to deceased one.

You may also want to consider using Bach Flower Essences for you, the remaining pets and other family members. These essences are found at most health food stores and come in tincture form. Humans can take drops directly under the tongue. Animals can take them in their water source, dropped directly onto the skin (lift the fur or feathers) or try dropping the liquid onto your hand and offer it to the pet, they may take it on their own. Below are a few that can help during this very delicate time.

Rescue Remedy – great for any type of trauma, even going to the vet

Honeysuckle – can help one get over the feelings of loss

Star of Bethlehem – is also good for trauma and getting past loss

Walnut – can help with adjusting to change

Grief can be challenging for you as much as for the remaining pet. Keep compassion for you both close at hand to help ease each other through the process.

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